Family CFO

Midlife Money: The Three-Ring Circus

Midlife Money, Inheritance Anxiety, and Everything in Between

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Editor’s Note from MILF & Silver Fox

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MILF-My momdad asked how to “log into the Google,” which turned out to mean “open Safari.” We both felt like champions when he succeeded. Gold medals all around.

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SilverFox- We spent 3 hours on the phone analyzing mom’s reverse mortgage situation. Good news is at least we siblings still get to inherit her junk drawer.

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Apparently, we’re all safety nets now. And nobody warned us the job came with no safety net of our own.

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— MILF & Silver Fox

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The “Everyone’s Retirement Fund But Mine” Reality Check

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You know that sinking feeling when your mom casually mentions she might need to move in with you because her Social Security “doesn’t quite cover everything anymore”?

Meanwhile, your 16-year-old is applying to colleges that cost more than your entire house, and your 401(k) looks like a GoFundMe with one pity donation from 2018.

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Welcome to inheritance anxiety, where you’re simultaneously worried about what you’ll inherit (ahem, debt) and what you’ll leave behind (spoiler: same).

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According to recent research, nearly half of all family caregivers—between 44% and 50%—experience significant financial strain from their caregiving duties

Here’s the thing nobody tells you about being the family’s “financial safety net”:

Safety nets aren’t supposed to have holes. Ours look like Swiss cheese that’s been through a paper shredder.

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The Three-Ring Circus of Sandwich Generation Finances

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Ring One: Your Parents’ “Oops!... I Did It Again” Retirement Plan

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Let’s be honest, our parents didn’t exactly have a group chat labeled “Financial Planning.” They had checkbooks, coffee tins, and a deep trust in “things working out somehow.”

Oops… they didn’t.

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Now we’re the ones patching up their retirement plans with duct tape, Venmo, and guilt. Somewhere between 1998 and now, Mom must’ve heard Britney Spears say “Oops!... I Did It Again” and thought it applied to credit card interest. Because here we are, cleaning up decades of “oopsies” with a Costco membership and a prayer.

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Maybe your dad’s company promised a pension until it got bought by people who say “we’re like a family” right before layoffs. Maybe your mom was counting on the house appreciating until property taxes turned into a midlife horror film.

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The truth is, they did the best they could. They just didn’t realize we’d be the backup plan.

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According to a July 2025 AARP report, the average family caregiver now spends about $7,200 a year out of pocket—and that’s before you count the hidden costs:

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Emotional labor (nonrefundable)
Sleep debt (compounding daily)
One-way ticket to Burnoutville (population: us)

So if you’ve ever thought, “Wait… am I my parents’ 401(k)?” The answer is yes.

Yes, you are. And no, there’s no HR department to file a complaint with.

Ring Two: The “College Costs More Than Your First House” Fund

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Remember when summer jobs covered tuition? Now, your kid’s dorm costs more than your first mortgage, and those “Congratulations!” emails come with a $75,000 price tag per year. College costs have climbed nearly 170% since 1980—less “inflation,” more financial rollercoaster.

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Even the textbooks are pricier than your old Toyota, and your teenager is already planning loan applications and brainstorming side hustles. So, you daydream about community college, pray for scholarships, and wonder if “YouTube University” will ever get accredited.

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According to Forbes, in the last four decades, the average annual price for tuition, fees, and room and board rose from about $10,200 to $23,600 at public four-year colleges and $56,500 at private ones—proof that ‘things working out somehow’ now requires a spreadsheet, a side hustle, and a lot of wishful thinking.

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Ring Three: Your Own “Maybe I’ll Work Until I Die” Retirement Account

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Here’s the magic trick: unpaid caregiving could delay your shot at retirement by anywhere from 7 to 21 years.

Which would be fine… if we could also hit pause on aging. But the only anti-aging plan most of us can afford is “turn off the bathroom light, and maybe forget how old you are.”

Your retirement account is like your gym membership: it technically exists, but mostly gives off guilt and dust.

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The Inheritance Conversation Nobody Wants to Have

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Let’s talk about the elephant in the room: what happens when your parents die?
(We know. It’s dark. But so is your checking account, so let’s go there.)

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The “Will There Be Anything Left?” Fear

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Your parents raised you to be independent; great, except now their independence means their savings are also independent of reality.
Long-term care costs now average about $4,500 a month for assisted living and nearly $8,000 for nursing homes.

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So that house you thought might pay for college? Surprise: it’s a real estate ATM for eldercare—and you may find there’s nothing left over at the end.

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The “What If There’s Too Much?” Fear

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Congrats, unicorn! If inheritance is your problem, you’re rarer than WiFi at a campground—so keep an eye out, because Cousin Eddie might pop out of the woodwork faster than you can say “family meeting.” Suddenly, everyone’s an expert… mostly at asking for the Netflix password and a small loan.

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Building Your Own Safety Net (While Being Everyone Else’s)

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Start with the Oxygen Mask Philosophy

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You know the drill: put on your own mask before assisting others.
Translation: you can’t save everyone if you’re financially gasping.

Contribute something to retirement. Even $50 a month matters.
Keep an emergency fund for your emergencies.
Get life insurance so your kids don’t inherit your chaos.

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Have The Money Talk (All of Them)

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Yes, it’s awkward. But so is bankruptcy.
Ask your parents:

Do you have long-term care insurance?
What’s your monthly budget vs. income?
Do you have a will?
Who handles your finances if you can’t?

Families who discuss finances reduce caregiver stress by 40%. That’s almost a full night’s sleep right there.

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Create Boundaries (Financial Ones Count, Too)

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Just because you can help doesn’t mean you should. Try:

“I can help with groceries, not the cable bill.”
“We can do $200/month, not $2,000.”
“I’ll research options, but I can’t quit my job.”

Boundaries aren’t selfish. They’re self-preservation disguised as adulting.

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The Reality Check Your Bank Account Needs

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You’re Not Alone in This Mess

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There are 47 million Sandwich Generation members Googling “can I claim my parent as a dependent” at 3 a.m. You’re in crowded company, just bring snacks.

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Small Steps Still Count

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You don’t have to fix it all tomorrow. Try:

Track your spending (without crying, ideally).
Automate small savings.
Research one new resource weekly.
Talk to an advisor who won’t judge your DoorDash history.

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Your Future Self Deserves a Chance

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It feels selfish to save when Mom’s juggling meds, but think long game.
Do you want your kids panicking about your assisted living someday? (Answer: no. Also, tell them to start saving now.)

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Laugh Line

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My friend’s mom proudly announced she’s “downsizing to a tiny house.” Turns out she meant the four-bedroom McMansion down the street.

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Life Line

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You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to start.
Your worth isn’t measured by sacrifice,it’s measured by balance.

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Glossary Schmossary

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New to GenSando? Your decoder ring straight from the cereal box of midlife awaits:
👉 Glossary Schmossary

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The Fine Print of Midlife

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Because we like to prove we’re not making this up:

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P.S. from MILF & Silver Fox

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Now go reheat your coffee and take a bow.

You’re doing a thousand acts at once, and we see every single one. We’re cheering from the front row.

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